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Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I am breaking up with my best friend. Even though we go way back, it’s time. I have been trying to break up with her for the past twenty years, but she keeps clawing her way back in. It may seem heartless to leave her behind. After all, I take her everywhere. She wraps around me like a second skin.  She won’t go without a fight. She keeps whispering in my ear. She shouts to my back. Are you sure?…

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The Lie 

The Lie 

I am a liar. “How are you?”   “Good! How are you?” It’s easy. The cheery answers slips out before the real answer even has time to form on my lips. After all, how would people react if I told them the truth? What would people say if I told them I wasn’t “good,” and I hadn’t been “good” for quite some time? Pain makes us uncomfortable. When we ask someone how they are, we want a cheery answer. We…

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Desperate 

Desperate 

I looked up and down the street. He wasn’t there. My toddler son was gone. After dropping a bag of groceries in the house, I had returned for my almost two year old son. Now he was missing. The sidewalk was empty. Every yard on the street was vacant. I began to scream wild, desperate screams.   The Lord is searching. He is desperate for us. He cries out for us. His voice isn’t always audible, but it’s always present….

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A Different Anniversary

A Different Anniversary

This summer marks an important anniversary in my life. There won’t be any gifts exchanged to mark the day. No one will be hosting a party. I’m not even certain of the exact day. I am certain that without this anniversary I wouldn’t be able to celebrate the anniversary of my marriage or the anniversary of my children’s birth. I am also certain that without this anniversary I wouldn’t be here writing.   At age 14, I wanted to kill…

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One Ingredient 

One Ingredient 

When my husband and I were first dating, I cooked him one of the few meals I could make at the time: Chicken Helper. I don’t think he was too impressed. He still likes to tease me about my early cooking skills (or lack thereof). Sixteen years later, I have fortunately learned a lot more about cooking. One of the most important lessons I have learned is that one ingredient can make a huge difference.   Baking soda can make…

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A Woman’s Role 

A Woman’s Role 

One of my first jobs out of college was as a teacher at a preschool. Even though I enjoyed the job, I stumbled upon a truth that should have dawned on me sooner. I grew up in a house with three other women, yet I had been fairly oblivious to the fact until I found myself in the middle of a web. The truth: women love to meddle, gossip and can be quite catty. As a young woman, I was…

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Not Enough? 

Not Enough? 

The disciples were caught. They had been arguing about who was the best, and Jesus had heard them (Mark 9:33-34). I usually glaze over this passage, as I don’t tend to argue with my girlfriends about who is the best. After all, the disciples are men and not everything that happens to them applies to me, right? Yet, as I was reading Lisa Harper’s study, The Gospel of Mark (check it out here), I read her phrase “pride disguised as…

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Let the Children Come

Let the Children Come

There was a time when my boys were small that everything was either sticky or covered in dirt from the backyard. They were busy boys, always taking things apart. Food was permanently encrusted under their high chairs. It seemed as if some one was always throwing up or something was leaking out of a diaper. For quite a few years, I was permanently sleepy. Sometimes I felt like giving up. One thing kept me going: their love. They would come…

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Giving up on Church? 

Giving up on Church? 

Give up on the church? I’d like to. It would be easy. If you have read some of my previous posts you would know that I’ve been hurt by the church. Maybe you’ve been hurt by the church too. Maybe you’ve given up on the church. Even though I have given up on certain congregations, I can’t give up on the church. When I consider the church, I see the hurt but I also see the “great cloud of witnesses”…

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Why I Blog

Why I Blog

Life is messy. Betrayal, abandonment, depression, loneliness, abuse. I’ve been there. I know what it is to be in a mess so big you can’t see your way out and you don’t want to see your way out. Sometimes it’s a mess you made. Maybe it’s a mess someone else made. Or maybe you don’t know who made the mess, but you’re stuck and you can’t bear to clean up another mess.  I know all about messes. Ask my husband…

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