I love anything new. The smell of a new baby. A new box of crayons. A fresh sheet of crisp white paper. The only problem with newness is nothing stays new. Before long the baby grows into a teenager. The box of crayons become a box of broken unusable nubs. Someone wads the paper into a ball and throws it at their brother.
Now it is a new month, a new year. It is time for a new start. The only problem is it is almost the middle of January and I have broken both of my New Years resolutions. I resolved to be more patient with the children and to make wiser choices in my eating. So this week involved me yelling at my kids and then eating graham crackers with peanut butter. Instead of a new year and a new me, it is a new year, same me: frustrated, impatient, and overweight.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” I Corinthian 15:17 NIV
When I read I Corinthians 15:17, I expectantly wait for God to turn me into a perfect woman, as if he were my fairy godmother. I hope that he will turn my faults into a carriage and beautiful dress, so my family and I can ride off into the perfect sunset, happily ever after. Yet, it doesn’t happen that way. God isn’t doing that in my life. Instead I feel as if God is telling me to come to him so that he can make me new every day. He wants to use the struggles to bring me closer to him. He wants me to fall at his feet every day and cry out to him. God I can’t do it anymore. Homeschool my kids? I can’t. Raise a child with special needs? Nope. Eat healthy? Never. Cope with loss? I don’t even want to. But God can do it. My struggles become his glory. So my new resolution for this year: pray more. He is the only one who can get me through.
“Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” II Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV